How To Cancel Your Wedding And Elope Instead
This blog was guest written by Lillie Read
The renegade tradition of elopement
has, in all likelihood, been around nearly as long as the storied institution of marriage. For much of our history, and in some places still today, a woman was considered her father’s property until she married, which often made eloping a necessity in the event of a contested or controversial courtship. In those days, choosing to elope was a daunting and sometimes risky prospect. Now, most modern couples now have the luxury of turning to elopement as a choice, rather than a necessity, but the thorny question still remains – how does one announce that an elopement will take place (or has already…)?
If there are currently plans in the works
to hold a wedding this process may become a bit more complicated; particularly if deposits have been paid and services booked. Now, you always have the option of doing what one of my dear friends did – take the $10,000 your parents gave you for expenses and abscond to Jamaica – but that approach may not resonate for everyone. In which case, what does one do when it becomes clear that eloping is the right choice?
First things first – take a deep breath
and remember that your wedding is, most importantly, all about YOU. The ceremony is a reflection of your commitment to your mate so the only misstep you can make is not being true to what you want. Now with that done, the next consideration is how to break the news to your friends and family, which may cause some tension. It is advisable to prepare yourself for mixed reactions, but try your best to keep the “elopement prime directive” in mind – your wedding is all about you.
The best thing to do
is to inform those closest to you about your decision in advance. If you want to do the wedding solo, kindly – but firmly – telling them of your decision helps avoid hurt feelings and surprises after the fact. Finding creative ways of making them feel included in the experience can go a long way towards smoothing any ruffled feathers so consider having a priority picture viewing party or allowing your loved ones to host a post-elopement reception. In all likelihood your people just want the opportunity to celebrate this life-changing event with you, so try and be sensitive to that in your approach.
What about money and deposits?
If you have decided to elope after your wedding has been booked, money is often one of the first issues to crop up; especially if you have family contributing funds to the wedding. Before you dismiss the idea of elopement talk to the family members in question and see where they stand – you may find yourself pleasantly surprised. If money has already been put down on a venue, or services, then offer to pay back that amount or deduct it from the overall budget. While it may not be necessary, it comes across as respectful of the contribution and will certainly be appreciated. This too can help alleviate some of the uncertainty that comes with announcing a significant change of plans.
Of course, part of the appeal of eloping
is that it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg – one does not have to go to Jamaica, after all, to have a great wedding. Planning a small, intimate ceremony is increasingly popular and in many ways, this approach offers far more flexibility for creating an intensely personal and meaningful experience. With that in mind, don’t forget to record the event and hire a knowledgeable person to help it go smoothly. Even though you may not want all the trappings that come with a big wedding, there are three things you DO want when planning an elopement: a local planner, a good photographer, and a reliable officiant.
As with any wedding, the pinnacle of the event is the presentation of the newly wedded couple. With an elopement, your big reveal happens a little differently but you shouldn’t be afraid to celebrate it all the same. Take time to send wedding announcements so people are sure to know about this life-changing event. Not only does it create excitement for the recipient, it underscores that your wedding – though small – was important. Take time to share pictures via social media, email, or even post mail and allow folks the opportunity to connect with your wedding and share in your joy.
